The Wee Democracy

turn on the bright lights

man, it's been a good 24 hours. actually, a pretty solid forty eight hours.

i saw fahrenheit 9/11, which was not as impactful as i thought it would be, but mainly because A)it didn't give me a whole lot of new information, some....but not a whole lot; B)i already hate bush with a white hot seething passion usually reserved for passing kidney stones; and C) my expectations were pretty high. that being said, it's still a very good movie. and it works better if you don't think of it as a documentary and more of an op/ed piece. it's funny. fool me once? goddamn.

so that was sunday afternoon, which preceded a good conversation with a new friend of mine. always good times.

monday was pretty neat, too. i enjoyed a pleasant afternoon. i ironed my shirt for work earlier in the day, while i watched my soaps (yes, i watch soaps: Y&R, B&B) so that i could relax a little longer before making my way out to the bus stop. call me a dork, if you must, but i love having a nice crisp pretty shirt to put on and look swank in.

i made a mix this weekend, and revelled in my newfound enjoyment of a cd leah gave me at christmas - interpol. good stuff. the purpose of the mix was to trade cd's with cuzi, who is going to bosnia on wednesday. i also bought a lobster from her, which i've named clawson.

and so she came to meet me at work last night. it was a boring night and her appearance was quite welcomed. her friends came with her and they seemed like personable people too. i got the real name....but i won't tell you, respecting the anonymity of the blogger's code. ok, so there's no code, but i'm keeping the secret, suckers.

then today...ba badadaaaaa! i met and had drinks with lauren!

we met at the angelika, and had a couple screwdrivers. at first she was all quiet, and smiley, because, she said, "i just thought i'd never see you again." we talked. i gave her the rundown of the last two years in about ten minutes.

we shopped at virgin for a bit (it's right down the walkway, and i picked up the new beastie boys cd, mainly because i about nutted my shorts for the second track (right right now now). it's good...its no ill communication or check your head, but all the tracks are solid and they all have at least one line that makes me laugh.

some references i remember: foghorn leghorn, mr. furley (3's company), ron popeil, iron chef

i met lauren's kit-ten (that's how she says it, very clearly...kit-ten), elliott and her boyfriend's kit-ten betty. both very nice and personable cats.

then home, to find out that spider-man 2 is getting some of the best reviews of the year. who's got a free ticket? who?

ME!



feeling: like a complete nerd, but i'll make no apologies for loving spiderman
thinking of: splishing and splashing
song of the day: i got you babe - sonny and cher
they say our love won't pay the rent. before its earned, our money's all been spent

cloneyism

i wish i had a clone sometimes so i could beat the everloving shit out of myself. i'm dead serious. i think what i need more than anything else right now (ok, almost anything else) is just a good solid beat down. any takers?




feeling: like shit - can you tell?
thinking of: how i wish i was harry potter and could release my anger in fits of badass magic
song of the day: NYC - Interpol
I'm sick of spending these lonely nights training myself not to care

a story

when i was, i think, a freshman in high school, i was walking back from a bookstore that was like, a block from campus. there was an alley that led from the back of the store to a street that intersected the back driveway of the parking lot. after school it was cool to go to that book store and hang out for a bit, and the bad kids used to smoke on the patio that was adjacent to the little cafe that was there in the store.

so, like i said, i was walking. and i'm getting to the end of the alley, and about to turn on the street when i spot these three girls, about my age, sitting and giggling and acting all girly. so i come up on them, and one goes "hey, do you go to ________?"

and i say, "yeah...where do you go?"

"white" she says. then, about three or so seconds later she continues.

but in those three seconds my mind starts just going. i mean, fast fast fast, i have all these thoughts, because this is my nature, to fantasize with the speed of light. how am i gonna get to her house if she lives all the way in frickin' plano. this girl i like goes to white. my girlfriend goes to white. wow. i can't wait to say that. man, i feel good. so this is what self esteem feels like? wow.

"do you know that guy that just walked by?" she asks, pointing down the way to a kid in my class. i'll admit, he was a good looking kid.

"um, yeah."

"can you tell him i think he's cute"

"yeah, ok."

man, imagination, when it goes out of control like that, when you can't rein it in, or just indulge it too much, fuckin burns you.



feeling: so bored that staring at the wall is a valid option
thinking of: vicodin - my back hurts
song of the day: our love is gonna live forever - spain
and tomorrow, i'm gonna love you just like i do today

love shaq

i'm hoping hoping hoping that the mavs can acquire shaquille o'neal this week, without giving up dirk nowitzki, whom, i'll admit, i have a ginormous man crush on. and i'd love to see steve nash stay, too, but i have a feeling he'll be the blue chip on the table.

a tree lobster

blog pal cuzi had a bazaar this weekend to fund her trip to bosnia (though who the bloody hell decides "hey, let's go to bosnia!!" is beyond me), and though i wasn't able to go, i'm planning on doing what i can to help by purchasing a plush lobster i've temporarily named clawson who apparently has an affinity for trees. good for him. mix cd's will be exchanged as a part of the deal.

curb your enthusiasm

i've been watching season two this week, and if you haven't seen it, freakin' rent that shit, or just buy it. it's that good. the doll, the shrimp incident, trick or treat and shaq are the most genius episodes of any comedy series in a long...LONG time.

josh is getting bored

man, work fucking sucks now that deanna's gone. there's no one to talk to, or exchange barbs about musical tastes, or discuss movies with. it's like when i was at the call center and marcus quit. god it is boring as hell.

janis joplin

and i'd trade all my tomorrows for one single yesterday...

damn, i wish i wrote that line.

start spreading the news

i'm gonna go to NY for a couple of weeks late in the summer. anyone want to come? anyone? anyone? bueller?



feeling: excited, tired, sweaty
thinking of: angelika choirs
song of the day: neverending math equation - modest mouse

some facts about me

i have short fingers, and my index finger is very pointy.

i have a small birthmark on the side of my right calf...a slightly darker patch of skin about the size of a nickel.

i was "in love" with the same girl all through high school, and even through the first year of college. but i got over it. i'll admit it freely, it was pretty lame.

i can't stand for my fingernails to go unclipped for more than 12 days. i file them, too, so they're not all snaggly. when i was younger, i used to buff them to a high shine, and people thought i got them professionaly manicured. i told them i just liked my shit to look nice.

i have 102 movies on dvd, and ten seasons of various tv shows.

i have a teddy bear named joshua, who is as old as i am.

i have scars on two of my knuckles: one from trying to punch clark harris in high school, but missing, and hitting the locker instead. it sheared off a small patch of skin. we weren't really fighting, just fuckin' around. the other scar is from when i was younger, and a pocket knife closed on my left index finger.

i sometimes wish i was a music video director, but i know i'd suck at it.

i want a girl to come after me. i have no game, you see.

i listened to the worst music in the world between the ages of 9 and 13. examples: jurassic park soundtrack, wrecx n effect, kriss kross, guns n roses.

my happy trail is slightly off center from the path actually down to my belly button. its like, a half inch to the left.

i sometimes wish i was a stand up comic, but i know i'd really suck at that, too.

i'm a sweater.

i was scared shitless my first night at college orientation, and i thought for sure, i'd never make it. i was homesick as hell. clearly, i got over it.

i'm paranoid about having bad breath, even though i don't.

i could easily eat an entire box of lucky charms, honey nut cheerios, or fruity pebbles in one day if i were so inclined.

i sometimes wish i was an actor, but i think i'd actually be alright as one.

i secretly want to be hugged by friends and stuff when they see me.



feeling: i dunno
thinking of: second times around
song of the day: brand new colony - the postal service
i wanna take you far from the cynics in this town, and kiss you on the mouth, we'll cut out bodies free from the tethers of the scene, start a brand new colony, where everything will change...

what's to say?

seriously?




feeling:
thinking of:
song of the day: not dark yet - bob dylan
I was born here and I'll die here against my will. I know it looks like I'm moving, but I'm standing still...
It's not dark yet, but it's getting there.

make love to zat pouch!

has anyone else seen those burger king commercials with the pouch designer ugoff? man, that's some funny commercial!

ssh! ugoff needs silence!



feeling: mini ogre
thinking of: why i still work where i work
song of the day: heaven knows i'm miserable now - the smiths
two lovers entwined passed me by, and heaven knows i'm miserable now

misalignment

i've written before about the days when everything seems to be going right; when the cosmic tumblers fall into place, the right stars align and all is good with your own personal world. people re-emerge, new people come into focus, you are happy in what you think might be shaping up to be the immediate future.

it was like that the summer before my senior year. the summer started out great, and i thought it would end great. but little by little, all the good things that i expected to stay good withered away, turned sour, ended poorly.

i thought things finally turned around at the end, when i moved into my own place, but again, good things ended just plain badly.

i guess what i'm getting at, is that when the tumblers fall out of joint again, when the stars become misaligned, things can revert to their natural state of shittiness rather quickly, and mostly to my consternation and sadness.



feeling: disassambled
thinking of: building a time machine. or a car.
song of the day: substance blues - travis shaw
i don't wanna fall to pieces, i don't wanna fall to pieces. pieces are made for the floor....i don't wanna fall to pieces, i don't wanna fall to pieces. wanna pull myself together, stand up, and soar.

mooning


The Moon
Your personality is lunar. You shine when others
share themselves with you, and are lonely when
they are not. Your friends probably perceive
you as aloof, and cast you in the role of wise
counselor. They may be unaware how much they
really mean to you.


What's Your Celestial Personality Type?
brought to you by Quizilla

friendster, the hero

it all started last saturday when i got another message from another random girl complimenting both my artistic and photographic prowess, and kickbutt musical taste. this young lass's name was jaqueline, and while i've yet to hear back from her, it's a sacrifice i'm willing to make given the new developments of the last 24 hours.

some of you, the faithful who've been reading me for some time now, will know that in the past i've spoken about my old friend lauren. i believe i once referred to her as true blue. which she is. she kicks fucking ass, people.

anyways, every now and again, i'll drop some names into the old friendster search bank to try and locate old friends, old flames, and see who i've become prettier than. incidentally, in a moment of extreme and unadulterated schadenfreude, i found a picture of a girl i used to straight up loooooove, and i gasped as she'd developed something of a haggard quality, whereas i've retained my youthful looks and sexy demeanor. ok, asshole comments over.

i found marcus G, the other day, and i was very happy about that. found austin rick, a gigolo of epic stature, but a vastly entertaining gigolo, and so, i keep him around. sarah k, sara that i dated a couple times as a junior (and who, i must sorrowfully admit, has grown only prettier and i must pick my lame tongue up off the floor now), and my high school arch enemy.

and then, with a state of glee usually reserved for a 4 year old seeing his flaming birthday cake coming out, i spotted the familiar face and dimples, in all its stamp-sized glory, smiling back at me.

is she the mysterious badass who's hit my site like 12 times today? is she the savior come to bring dallas back from the brink of total boredom? coupled with a few other developments of the last four days, i'm in a fucking spectacular mood. i'm postively giddy.

LAUREN'S FUCKING BACK, PEOPLE!!

and usher was just on conan, and damn, that kid makes me wanna shake my ass.



feeling; absofuckinglutely fanfuckingtastic!!
thinking of: take one damn guess
song of the day: you shook me all night long - ac/dc
she was the best damn woman that i ever seen!!

van morrison

i think i was like around 11 or 12 when i saw "an american werewolf in london", and i remember when the main character engages in sexual intercourse with his ladyfriend, while moondance is playing on the sountrack. after that, anytime i heard that song, all i thought about was werewolf lovin' and it used to make me giggle, immature fiend that i am.

then, when she came back from college, armed to the teeth with new music (new to me, anyway), leah brought back the album 'moondance' and i heard the song, actually knowing what it was this time. i bought my own copy some time later, and tried to convert all in my path to the teachings.

i think he might have had a cold when he recorded crazy love. either that, or on the verge of tears.

into the mystic was probably my favorite song off the album when i was in high school and early college. and rightly so. it's a badass song.

and it stoned me and caravan are ok, i like 'em, and occasionally i'll sing along, but they're not my favorites.

everyone is a happy, good, song, and i sing to that alot. it has one of the best openings to a song ever. good tidings was just used, most effectively, i might add, in the season finale of the sopranos.

but brand new day is probably my favorite song on it, though. it goes and on, seemingly forever, and his voice hits these long notes, and the backup singers just make it seem like one of those songs that you have to make an orgasm face to sing along with it appropriately. it's just that good.

it's always cheap, so if you don't have it, go buy it, you cheap bastard!



feeling: tired. i had a long night on the ol' DART
thinking of: cute girl at work with the boots
song of the day: duh - brand new day - van morrison
and it feels like (feels like), yes, it seems like (seems like), oh it feels like (feels like!), oh and it seems like (seems like!) a brand new day (braaaaaand new daaaaaaay) a brand new day.

another job

i've been working at this job every year for the last four years, but i've yet to mention it to you guys. it usually starts around early to mid april, and ends sometime in june, but, depending on fate, can end in may. this job is something that requires alot of faith and spiritual energy. i dedicate myself pretty religiously to this line of work. i'm a professional hater of the Los Angeles Lakers.

this team is a group of spoiled rotten assholes, and, since i started watching basketball again, at the end of my sophomore year, i've hated this team, with a simple, pure, raw, seething passion.

shaquille o'neal - i must admit, he's a charismatic man off the court. but on the court, he's a big fat ogre who can barely make a shot if it's not 6 feet from the basket. i mean, just look at his free-throwing.

kobe "i like forcing myself on women" bryant - personally, i think this man shouldn't even be playing, and i loathe those who mention his name in the same breath, the same minute, the same DAY as michael jordan's. i'm sorry, MJ didn't cheat on his wife or stand trial for rape.

gary payton - whiny spoiled bitch.

karl malone - old whiny spoiled bitch, but i'll at least give it to him that he's a tough old whiny spoiled bitch. and dirty. a dirty, tough, old, whiny spoiled bitch.

derek fisher - cried on national tv when they lost. oh, is there anything more sweet than watching the proud fall?

phil jackson - most arrogant man ever. EVER! try winning a championship without a superstar, big man.

so what i'm saying is, the lakers are going to lose to the pistons. and i'll laugh and i'll laugh.



feeling: sad - only 7 more days of a friendly work environment
thinking of: what to wear tomorrow
song of the day: into the mystic - van morrison
i-iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii wanna rock your gypsy soul, just like way back in the days of old, and together we will flow into the mystic

where's my spidey signal??

i bought a box of rice krispies based solely on the fact that it had a little light-throwing spider-man signal web-shooter in the box. and when i opened it this morning, it was missing!

when i was a little josh, i sent away for an official batman cape, from the cereal that came out right after the first movie. it cost 4 upc's and 2.50 for shipping and handling.

i'm still waiting for it.

the day after tomorrow

its rained for the last two days. and i don't mean like two days in a row. i mean like 48 hours of downfall -- everything from a fine mist, to heavy pelting drops. i feel like forrest gump describing vietnam over here.

the good news is i can't be bothered to do things like clear the brush out of the lawn, or move the bulk garbage to the front curb. the bad news is, i can't do anything else, besides read, write, and watch tv.

oh, and some piece of mierde stole my umbrella from work. not a customer...an employee! jacked my umbrella! i had to walk from bus to bus last night in the rain! but it's ok, cause i look fine with wet hair.

the story is coming along pretty nicely, though i really don't know when it'll post.

please inundate bekah of mixtape marathon fame with emails pleading for a free copy of her cd for me. thank you.



feeling: tired
thinking of: mi hermana, que chingon
song of the day: the district sleeps alone tonight - the postal service
i am finally seeing that i was the one worth leaving

an epic post of epic porportions!

ok, i'm serious. i'm writing a big entry about this weekend, and it's turning into a short story, though non-fiction. i'm on the fifth single spaced page, which is more than i've writting in a loooooong time. but the thing is, by the time i'm done, the weekend will have been long gone. wish me luck.

come on, you two, i said wish me luck!



feeling: excited and shitty at the same time
thinking of: somnambulist poetry
song of the day: a rush of blood to the head - coldplay
i'm gonna buy this place and see it burn, do back the things it did to you in return

but wait...there's more!

vince is married. jessica is married. deanna is leaving.

i'm depressed.

i was writing like gangbusters before i got home...now i've hit a wall. but my trip is being recounted in detail. it'll be posted soon enough. not like anyone is still reading this anyway.



feeling: shit
thinking of: abandonment
song of the day: the scientist - coldplay

wednesday: an account

really, this story starts tuesday night, when, in the darkness of the night, my mom came into my room, and asked if i'd gone to bed yet. keep in mind, i'm asleep when she asks this, and the asking is what wakes me up.

"it's storming really bad outside, and the power went out...so i just wanted you to know" she says. i gather up my watch, and joshua bear as i do not want either of these things lost in the fracas of a tornado.

i'm convinced that this was caused purely be my shooting off my mouth at dinner about all the warnings that came on tv, during the news. "man, there are way too many warnings and watches...nothing ever happens, ain't gonna be a tornado in dallas any time soon." and there wasn't a tornado...not around me anyway.

so this was the impetus for me to go out and see "the day after tomorrow" yesterday. when something scares me - like that volcano dream a couple of weeks ago - i generally try to get myself more scared. like when your tooth is loose, and it hurts, but you keep tongueing it and making it hurt even more.

first some brow-beating. have you paid your bills? yes. more than the minimum? no. well then???

i get on the horn with wells fargo, to put some cash on the old credit card. its a voice activated thing, this 800 number, and i try to tell them i want to make a payment.

"what would you like to do?"

"make a payment."

"i'm sorry, i couldn't hear you. what would you like to do?"

"make a payment." a little clearer.

"i'm sorry. please return to the main menu.....this is the main menu, what can i help you with? if you want to make a payment....

"make a payment!!"

"if you need account and balance information, please..."

"MAKE A FUCKING PAYMENT!!"

"ok! how much would you like to pay?"

shower, bus, train. in the rail station below cityplace, there are alot of steps. i see them, about nine tiers of them of about 15 steps apiece. exercise pops into my head, and i take the first set of steps, 3 tiers in a sprint. my heart pounds, but i feel great, still. i turn the corner, see the next level - the remaining six tiers...i start...up up up!

ACK! hit a wall! about the third tier up, my legs lock up and i can go no further. i drag my stumps up the remainder of the stairs, using mostly my arm strength and the handrails. i'm going to vomit.

cross the courtyard, across the plaza, across the street. i'm going to vomit.

i go into the movie theater and turn to buy my tickets...but oh, no. i've got to vomit. so i do, violently so, in the bathroom. good lord, i'm out of shape.

the movie isn't bad by any means. when the white girl gets caught up in some shit, right before the tidal wave is about to crush and drown her, a guy in the row behind me, quietly yells out "moo' yo' ass, bitch!" i nearly pee myself giggling.

on a side note, given the heat in this place, a new ice age wouldn't be such a bad thing. i mean, barring the whole freezing solid (not just "to death", but actually into a human shaped block of ice), i wouldn't mind trudging to work through the snow. any besides, seeing as how everyone would be wearing snow pants and parkas, we woudn't feel as much pressure to be good looking. and given america's obesity crisis, were we forced to resort to cannibalism, it would have a certain poetic justice to it all.

target is across the street, and thankfully, vince and abby are registered there. huzzah! success once again on the present front.

the rest of the day is uneventful, but i like the music in the scene in 'return of the king' where gollum finally gets the ring back. his precious.

i'm still out of shape.



feeling: akimbo
thinking of: the hound
song of the day: you don't know how it feels - tom petty
let me get to the point, and let's roll another joint

bad music

remember when i was on hold with msn for like two hours, trying to undo the shit that was perpetrated on me by some bastard hacker's virus? well, i said that the music that was played while i was on hold was most assuredly the anthem of hell, and was probably played as a detterent to actual customer service.

well, i must say that i perhaps spoke a little too quickly -- jumped the gun a tad -- about the possible soundtrack for hell itself. surely, if there is a hell, and there is music played through some perverse seraphim of a loudspeaker, then its not what i hear on hold with microsoft. it IS what i hear day in a day out at work...the same shitty easy listening crap that drives me utterly fucking insane.

i don't like REM to begin with and having to listen to 'shiny happy people' and 'what's the frequency, kenneth' is just about all i can take, and i can't even take it that well.

then there's 10,000 maniacs singing these are the days, which i heard just about enough of from every single freakin' video yearbook leah brought home.

now don't get me wrong -- they can't play ALL bad songs. there's some sarah mclachlan in there, and some norah jones, some stealer's wheel.

but then there's UB40, a group i've been clamoring for the heads of for some time now, what with their crimes against taste and decency. i mean, red red wine is a piece of shit, bob marley knock off. can't help falling in love? yeah, that was cool when i was in the sixth grade. baby, i love your way? shitty song to begin with, so why the hell would you cover it? and just how did you make it even shittier?

and speaking of other bad covers, there's some girl who covers "every little thing she does is magic" except changes it from 'she' to 'he', and another, even more audacious girl who sings "let's stay together". never! never! cover al green. ever.

then there's motown. don't get me wrong, i like motown, and i've been known to get my groove on to some songs they might play during the day. but they play way too much of it, and they play some really REALLY awful choices. do it right, or don't do it at all.

the worst part about all of this is, i hear the same songs every day, mingled in there with that "always something there to excite me" jingle. shitty source, shitty ad. simple as that.

hell is going to suck.



feeling: scared - there was a bad storm tonight, which i'm pretty sure i single handedly cause by shooting off my big mouth about how there's never going to be a tornado in dallas.
thinking of: what to buy vince for the wedding
song of the day: teenage wasteland - the who
don't cry, don't raise your eye, it's only teenage wasteland