The Wee Democracy

those poor bastards

as we speak, those poor bastards in red socks are getting their bostonian shit pushed in by the yankees, those loathable lugs from new york. it's a graphic image, i know, but i can't think of one more apropos. i mean, if you could personify a team into one man, and another team into another man, the red sox would be the seemingly tough guy, like, say, edward norton in american history x, who finds out that he's really just ice cream for freaks when it's fun time in the shower, and that big yankee fuck, someone like glen danzig, wants to tussle. yeah, next thing you know, that norton-boston amalgamation is lying on the shower floor aching and quietly crying knowing know that he's just a guest in this place. it's the bigger guy's house, and if the bear's hungry, by god, he's gonna eat.

but this whole shower analogy really goes deeper than just the red sox being the perennial second fiddle to NY. if you ask me, which i know you wouldn't, i'd tell you that the yankees are a symbol of something equally malevolent and comparably boorish. like say, i dunno, the united states of america.

yeah, i said it. the yankees represent every single thing that is wrong with america. they are a microcosm of the shitty attitude and musclebound dumb luck that seemingly pervades every nook and cranny of this godforsaken crap pit.

think about it.

this all goes back to the colonial times. the yankees versus the red coats. the yankees won that match too, and a guy named george helped them do it. george herman ruth? babe ruth? duh.

i guess you could call the losses to the financially inferior arizona and florida something akin to the vietnam "conflict". a bunch of overpaid dorks getting shellacked by a team with one third their payroll. they were the guerillas of the baseball diamond. randy johnson was like ho chi minh. but, you know, without the mass genocide and communism.

my real beef has now been touched on. payroll. america has been lost amidst the greed that even i've become disgusted with. and i'm pretty greedy. i'll admit it, i love my material possessions. i was deeply troubled when i was going to have to move and i didn't know how i would transport my massive dvd collection. but this is a minor flaw compared to say, spending nearly a quarter of a billion dollars a year to pay players to win championships. and it's not like, wow, the yankees have been so close for so long, that they just need that one lynch pin to finally secure that spot in the world series.

there have been somewhere in the neighborhood of 100 world series' and the yankees have won....not been in...won 27 of them. that averages to more than one championship every four years. it's not that they want something that struggled and struggled to get. it's that they want something and absolutely positively refuse to ever share it. ever.

you'd think steinbrenner was fuckin' golllum, holding his half dozen championship rings and hissing "my precioussss".

now, how does this relate to america? we are the exact same way. if you're not from america, you most likely think america is big dumb stupid and more dangerous than any other country in the world, and you're tired, you're fuckin sick of us throwing our big clumsy ass around the place making sure we always win. new yorkers feel cheated if they're not brought their annual world series parade, because its been four whole goddamn years since they had one!! oh my god, what fucking injustice! how do they cope?

men like george steinbrenner aren't content merely to be good, to win a championship and exit gracefully. they will spend ungodly amounts of money, dirty filthy money to ensure that no one else ever wins, that any time a new weapon is manufactured (and i'm not just extending the metaphor there -- you think bonds is all natural?) he'll be first in line to drown the opposition in money to make sure he attains it.

it's that same kind of money first attitude and win at all costs thinking that has made america into the nation of cowboy presidents and backwards morons barely capable of pissing without wetting the front of their pants it has become.

i hate the current state of america. and goddammit, i hate the yankees.