The Wee Democracy

proceed with caution

prior to my decision (or wussing out, as some may call it) not to leave dallas, it occured to me that i might not have to leave my job, even though i hate it.

i'm pausing here to discuss my work ethic. i've often decried this unit as a particular sad and meager thing, but in a conversation with a friend who lost his job recently, that assessment went under attack, so i'm revising it. i may work hard, and, when given a task to complete, i'll complete it to the best of my ability. or rather, to a degree that can believably pass as the best of my ability. it's not so much that i don't do hard work, it's just that i hate every single second of it. if you tell me to move that ton of bricks from the front yard to the back yard, i'll do it, but i'll curse your name and your children's eyes all the livelong day.

that being cleared up, i decided some weeks ago to explore my options when it came to entering a management position. it's not like i particularly want to make a career out of this gig, but it pays better, and it IS a leadership position.

so i interviewed with a bigwig. this was like, a month ago. i didn't hear back from the whole thing for quite some time until yesterday. keep in mind, this is mainly because i knew that all bigwigs were very busy, and on a seemingly endless vacation loop. one would go, and as soon as he or she got back, another split for a week. so the timing was never right for me to go up and say, hey, what's the deal, buckos?

finally, i went up and spoke to the HR lady, on whom i have a minor crush. this, i suspect, is mainly because of her perfume, which, i'll freely admit is the kind of thing you struggle to come up with a word to describe other than intoxicating, because the aforementioned word, though apropos, is pretty cliche. thems the breaks, i guess. she tells me, basically, that the bigwig that interviewed me said he'd like to see me be a little more aggressive and assertive. i don't say this, but i think to myself i'm a fucking peon, people. i mean, sure i can bark orders and come up with ideas about what to do with the floor, but the bottom line is, i'm the same as everyone else down there, and they're not gonna listen to me. so i nod, and hope that her psychic abilities pick up on that.

this brings me to my current point. i fear that i am too cautious. i may do something that requires a bit of initiative on my part, but when the thing is done, i'm not gonna say, hey look what i did!!

what are they gonna do, pat me on the head and give me a cookie?

i am assertive, just quietly so.

this makes me think about my approach to girls. i usually hem and haw and do whatever i can to stall the asking out process, because i'm waiting for the exact right time to do it, so as to effectively minimize the risk. i'll plan it out in my head, and hope it all goes as planned, and wait. and wait. and wait some more.

yes, i really like you. sure, i know i barely know you, but i want to learn alot more. tragically, the odds are i'll procrastinate and let some leather jacket wearing ne'erdowell come in with his devil may care attitude and his complicated shoes and sweep you off your feet. that, or he's already swept you off your feet, he dropped you, and you're in traction right now, and my advances are most likely unwelcome at this juncture, or your body cast has rendered you unable to consider anything besides full body pain.

yep.

gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em. it's a fucking tightrope, spud.


beck - everybody's gotta learn sometime