The Wee Democracy

really horrible dream

it's far to early for me to be awake, right now, but i'm not going back to sleep. some of the things that i've just spent the night dreaming about (is nightmaring a word? it should be) are things that i hope i never see in my life. dreaming about death is something that i tend to do from time to time, usually once every couple of years or so, and most of the time, its an accidental death, or natural or whatever. hasn't been murder before.

really, it was a unique dream in that it wasn't just the aftermath of something horrible. it was like the dream covered the entire span of the event. everything from the day before the murder, me hanging out with this person, to the sequence leading up to the assault itself, which i survived, and this person did not. the recovery, and the aftermath, all took place, grief, anger, denial, and this tortuous breakdown that ended the dream, when it finally sinks in that you will never see this person again. and it was all so real that waking up was again, like i was given a reprieve from this alternate reality by god himself.

coming out of a dream like that, that's so fraught with emotional tension is pretty intense itself. like i said about that new york dream, you wake up and in that split second that you finally realize that everything is ok, and that you are safe and sound in your bed and no one you care about is in any danger, is pretty relieving, and i really don't have any other response for it but to cry pretty hardcore for about 10 seconds. just lay there, and say thank you, thank you, god that this was only a dream.

a pretty goddamn awful dream, but not real all the same.



feeling: relieved. so relieved.
thinking of: safety
song of the day: tba