The Wee Democracy

super-virus-creator-beater-upper-guy

i'm tossing around names in my head of my superhero name were i to go after the virus-creator douchebags and beat them to their respective pulps. as i type, tuesday morning, at an ungodly hour, listening to elevator music that is truly godawful, i'm waiting to be helped by the microsoft people to rid me of the now-evidently more-of-a-pain-in-the-ass-than-i-originally-thought sasser worm virus. i'm having to use a laptop, which i'm not all that comfortable typing on.

i'd like to imagine that the rat-bastard who created this is a pimply faced loser with cheetos crumbs in his teeth and descending down the front of his babylon 5 t-shirt as well, and that he's simply acting out his childish rage on the world by the only means available to him - worldwide nuisance induction. why can't he just drink heavily and blog? like me? who knows.

either way, my computer is sacred to me. it's got all my work from college, alot of my music, and my porn, good lord, my tons and tons of porn!

anyways, you should really hear this muzak i'm being subjected to. i'm convinced its deliberately awful in an effort to reduce call volume by driving people away after 15 minutes of nonstop crappiness. personally, i'm on the verge of seizure and considering what exactly the nature of hell is, assuming that if music is allowed there, it is something of this ilk, or perhaps, far worse, though something that horrible is beyond comprehension to me.

what keeps me going though is the fun idea of finding the russian (the news people seem to think that's where it originated, this virus) and grabbing the greasy chucklehead that created this thing and beating him down with either a lead pipe, a board with nail in it, or a broken beer bottle and a rolled up copy of hustler.

which reminds me of a story! when i was in high school, i was pretty chronically tardy, and when i got to school i actually had to sign in with the reason why i was late. they only gave you an area about an inch and a half across and a third of an inch tall to fill in your reason, about enough to write "overslept" or "traffic" or "late night cocaine binge". but one day, i went for the gusto. i used the entire column to explain how late the previous night, columbian drug lords had attempted to take over my neighborhood, and it was up to me to fight them off with a broken beer bottle and a rolled up copy of hustler. it took several hours and by the time i emerged as victor, i was quite tired, and therefore overslept. this excuse did not fly with the powers that be, and they ripped out the entire page of signatures and had to re-copy them. i considered this a moral victory of epic proportions (a word which i can never be entirely sure i have spelled correctly).

so if this virus creator knows what's good for him, he'll show up on my doorstep and fix my computer. after all, i took out a columbian drug racket when i was in high school, so he can imagine what kind of smackdown incurring my wrath will get him now.




feeling: angry, dude
thinking of: new york by tomorrow night, baby!!
song of the day: lullaby - emit rhodes
sing a lullaby. sing it soft and only sigh. when the one you love says goodbye, sing a lullaby.