The Wee Democracy

Garbage Epiphany

i should point out first that tuesday and friday is trash day. but the thing is, the trash man comes to the house, generally within a window of three to four hours after i've gone to bed, and therefore, it's my domestic chore to lug those bags o' crap out there before i go to bed monday and thursday nights.

so this is what i was doing last night, taking out the garbage, in the post-rain world, humidity snaking all around me. and i was compelled to look up. usually, i kinda just stare ahead when i'm walking, or look somewhat downward, a habit i picked up as a child after being traumatized by stepping on a most hated cockroach in my bare feet. grody.

so i'm not used to the vastness that you experience when you look up...i mean really look up. the sky goes on and on farther than i can even comprehend. i mean, think about a light year -- something that moves faster than i can think - literally, faster than neurons transmit - and it takes a full year to go this certain distance. and to think that the universe stretches for trillions of light years across. and looking up, you see how far that really is.

then i thought about how little i am in the context of this city, then in the context of this country, then the world. i'm a dot on this planet, and nothing that happens to me is of any real consequence. and even this planet isn't even a blip on the radar of the universe, so that makes my life seem even infinitessimally smaller, and my problems even moreso.

the epiphany i had then was that this world barely matters in the context of all things, and i barely matter in the context of the world, my problems should barely matter in the context of me. so given that all this shit barely matters in the long run, i should be able to put that crippling fear of failure in its proper context and move on to bigger and better things.

but it's still such an enormous task to undertake. even in the universal sense.



feeling: a bit overwhelmed
thinking of: how things were better when you could solve your problems with a sword.
song of the day: needle in the hay - elliott smith
you say you know what you did, but you idiot kid, you don't have a clue