The Wee Democracy

Department Store Panic Mode

I pass my old high school almost every day, either on the way to or from work. usually it dredges up a kind of low grade panic, as if somehow my secret life as a failure will be broadcast in neon lights from the top of the bus JOSH INSIDE!! and the people who had such high hopes for me will see me among this rogue's-gallery-on-wheels and realize with horror that i've realized exactly none of my potential.

during christmas i lived in fear that i would see someone i knew while i was working, and i took solace in the fact that the mall i work in is going downhill and there are two much classier malls within 10 minutes of this one. there was a couple of occasions where i saw someone i knew, usually teachers, and i simply and deftly manuevered with catlike stealth behind a rack or in the stock room.

most of the time, those people were people who probably wouldn't recognize me unless i reminded them who i was, and so, when i saw them, it didn't affect me. but the other night was different. the other night i saw a woman i knew well while in high school. we talked, we were friends, we even had meals together outside of school.

and as i stood there wearing my namebadge folding clothes, i saw her approach...and i hid. first, behind a tall table of clothing. i felt something...a swell of shame. i went to a good high school, i went to college, i got a degree in the ever-increasing four year time frame, and i work a shitty dead-end job for a biscuit over minimum wage.... you can see why i wasn't in the mood to see someone who knew me way back when.

then she walked back past me, so i bit the bullet and did the very thing i told myself i'd do if she came my way again - i ran.

when i returned to work 20 minutes later, she was gone.




feeling: meek
thinking of: how much '24' is the best show currently running in network tv
song of the day: mile end - pulp
and now we're living in the sky, i never thought i'd live so high. it's just like heaven, if it didn't look like hell