The Wee Democracy

i'm still on hiatus.

there are those of you -- assholes, i call you, who say, josh - you're not on hiatus if you post!! well, shut the fuck up, first of all. secondly, i used to post every day. now, if you're lucky, twice a week. it's merely because i'm bored, and the writing bug gets to me and it's time for me to stand semi-proudly atop my wee soapbox and preach to the miracle ear generation.

so today riqui posted a message concerning the evolving process of self revelation brought about by the timeless question - "what do you want to be when you grow up". personally, i wanted to be marine biologist, and study sharks, but that was because of my jaws fascination. i used to try to maintain my balance on the back of the couch (the spine, if you will) and pretend i was chief brody on the mast of the 'orca' shooting at the shark. plus, there was always the possibility of a glorious death in the maw of a sea beast, such as a 25 foot great white shark. but that's beside the point.

he also said that as time goes by we become aware of how little we have things figured out. when i was a kid, maybe 10 or so, i used to fantasize about being a doctor, driving a nissan Z, being paged, getting out of my car with a nice suit on and carrying a briefcase. don't ask my why a doctor REALLY needs to carry a briefcase, cause i don't know. but then, it made sense. and now, i don't even have a car, or a job, or a place of my own anymore. and the 2004 350ZX is far too far out of my price range for even playfully considering. but that, too, is beside the point.

i thought that college was gonna be like in the movies where you have an endless hall party going on, and virginity is something that you lose with minimal effort. hell, i thought...who the fuck knows what i thought, i was an idiot. but that's beside the point, as well.

my point is, i have no idea what i want to be when i grow up. i know i'm not grown up, either. i'm a 22 year old baby. i mean, somedays i'd give my left arm to have a nanny, to feed me and tuck me in at night.

or maybe i just need a girlfriend



feeling: like an drooling nudist with sausage link legs
thinking of: wanting to be a hero, or at least employee of the month
song of the day: sittin' on the dock of the bay - otis redding