The Wee Democracy

i watch oprah.

i'm not proud of it, but seeing as how i more or less live the life of an old lady (watching soaps and talk shows), my options are limited until i find a job.

anyways, my oprah watching is beside the point. i also watch dr. phil, and today's episode was a rather enlightening foray into interracial dating and the consequences it may have -- all beside the point. the instigating event in the watching of this show was what my mom said about my identity.

she pointed out that i seem to, and problematically so, identify myself as a poor mexican. i said that i do that for humor's sake, and even my friend damon knows that. i didn't even tell him. he said once that i'm mexican when it's convenient for a joke. and it's true. race has never been an integral part of my identity. being bi-racial is just not something that has seriously concerned me, nor has "not fitting in" to a particular ethnic group because i'm not a thoroughbred.

this ties into yesterday's blog in that i began thinking about identity again, and all the things that add up to turn a human into a person. i told my mom that i primarily use tastes to define my personality and identity. it's like that line in high fidelity. in a relationship, it's what you like that counts, not what you are like.

now while i don't entirely agree with that, i'm probably inclined to think that someone who thinks titanic is the greatest movie ever made isn't gonna be a good match with someone who refuses to see anything at the cineplex, and will only grace the presence of the local arthouse.

i have a clear idea of my tastes, of the movies i like, the music, the books and dress, food, hobbies, thing of that nature. but i KNOW that there is more to identity than that. dr. phil seems to think personalty traits figure into that, so i guess i'm moderately intelligent, sensitive, humorous (although in a predominantly sardonic manner) funloving, temperamental (we do have to factor the negative in as well as the positive; and on that note...) moody, melancholic and reticent.

i'm prone to unrequited love, and generally have romantic ideals as far as relationships are concerned. my life's directions are simply to find meaning and suibstance within my own life, and do something, accomplish something that matters, not necessarily in the big scheme, but to me - like writing a book that isn't a bestseller, but just something i'm proud of.

ok, i'm lying, i just want money and sex.

oh, and i watch gilmore girls, too



feeling: despondent
thinking of: writing tessa a real email....and banging elizabeth hurley
song of the day: here comes my baby - cat stevens